Relocation, Relocation, Relocation

Moving house has never been so dramatic, Oh wait, it has. After moving more times than I can count, it's the last thing I want to do- but sometimes it's for the best. Been at dads for a year, it's now time for a new breath of fresh air even if sometimes it's hard to swallow.. Finishing school makes me realize that perhaps I don't know who I truly am. Standing tall until over a period of time; people get torn from me, people do things you'd never expect them to do, little things are made into such a huge problem, the security of having a supportive network of your school or social groups is then taken away from you... 13 years of homework, long boring school days, absent letters from your parents, essays, tests, sacs, exams and formals is all a build up to the final days of year 12... and you are left with either a uni acceptance letter in your hand or a hand full of opportunities. Guess which one I'm holding.. 
Looks like this ending has led me to a dead end and there's no other way to go but to jump into the unknown. I'm sure I'm in the same boat a billion other people in the world, but how can you wake up one day and be 'so sure' and then wake up a few days later and 'not be certain'? Guess those questions are the kind of awesome complications I get to experience without holding a uni acceptance letter in my hand? 
So much time and so many options with my life... Better get crackin' or I'll miss out on it all.
Lately, I dream. Nothing new from my obsessive day dreaming disorder, but I picture myself behind a desk and being a successful business woman, or one of those young mums who put their kids above ANYTHING, or a hot magazine article writer or photographer, or maybe that ONE nice sales person who actually cares about you before they consider how much effort it would be to serve you... 
I wonder what everyone else wants me to do? Oh that's right... It's all up to me!! God, what do you want me to do? Hmmm... I can take not hearing from other people for weeks and weeks, but have you gone on vacation and forgotten to invite me or are you intentionally silent? There are hundreds of languages in the world, yet I speak only one and in my language all I have to ask is, "God, please give me a strength to get through the next few weeks in one piece. Fearless and strong, that's the kind of birthday present only you can give me, please give me a years supply!"
I mean how silly can parents be? Can't they see that their kids are super smart and actually know a way to help out? The only difference is.. When I was 9, I couldn't do anything to help out, now 9 years later I can do something and it's as though my opinion isn't valid. Ouch. "Hey future kids, I think I've got this parenting thing down pat.. It's easy, fall in love, get married, stay in love, have kids, love them, continue to love each other, teach you love, remain in love, watch you fall in love, love them like they are family, set you free to love, still we are strong in love, watch you get married and love your kids..."
Yep, how much harder could it be?
Being born into such a mess is a crazy idea, especially for 3 beautiful girls.
I wonder how long it will take 20 years of "love" between a man and woman with 3 daughters with problems, to fix. So far 9 years and counting.
Meanwhile, we are growing up mum and dad. You grew up, you got married again, you chose that, we can't help but to grow up. Please don't miss out on that, it's super important.
So only a week until I'm 18 and I'm holding my breath wondering what will happen next. This time 9 years ago I was packing boxes and having to choose who to live with, mum or dad, this year I'm doing EXACTLY the same. I guess old habits die hard. 
The good news is, I have fallen in love. 3 years and counting. :)
Well I have to go! 
Signing off, 
-Girl who sucks at making decisions.