I can't make you love me if you don't

As the song goes, I can't make you love me if you don't.

To those who are currently throwing darts at my face on a poster in the comfort of their own home... I can't make you love me. To the reflection I see in the mirror everyday, I can't make you love me if you don't. It's not that I hate you- it's that I don't love you like I should. 
I spose you can't control who you love, just like you can't control who you don't. 
I have the issue, of loving those people too much then they decided I'm not worth loving the other 50% of our friendship/relationship. And let me tell you, that hurts like hell. Like 100 out of control bush fires, in hell. 
I wish I knew what I did wrong for you to not love me anymore. When it wasn't long ago we were painting our nails in your bathroom and sharing a bottle of wine. What did I do to make you so angry and leave me like I was nothing. I wish I only knew, because I haven't stopped thinking about it since you never replied to my last message. I dream about it and wake up in tears. Everyone tells me you aren't worth it, but I know the truth. I know what we have been through & I know what I feel. I want you to know that, even though I can't make you love me if you don't... I hate myself for it. Congratulations, is that what you wanted? I hate myself and can't even smile at my own face anymore, because of how much it hurts you aren't in my life anymore. You truly have hurt me and all I want to do is hurt myself for it. I am so sick of crying over you, not like you really give a shit anymore anyways. You are truly making my life a living hell and it's all because I can't make you love me if you don''t. I can't help but think that this whole time I have made you love me. Maybe that's what I've done for years towards myself too... Made myself love me, even when I don't.
All I know is that it's getting hard again, it's getting so hard to seem happy and pretend like it doesn't bother me. But all I can do is cry and let it out, otherwise it grows like a disease. People think I'm crazy and maybe I am. But truth is I am sad. My body, my voice, my hair, my laugh, my face... even my beliefs, I can't make myself love me if I don't. But I can't continue to live like this. It hurts not feeling good enough.
I have a too good a boyfriend for me and as the stories go, it's only a matter of time before he realizes that. And I'm scared it'll be soon. I've been with guys who are too good for me and within days they tell me to my face it was only to make someone else jealous, or that it was just because they felt sorry for me. I know he loves me, but what do you do when you feel like you love someone more than they love you...?

I spose love them anyway, because I can't help but love you just the way I do.

Signing out,
Your girl.

Too much love for the wrong people and not enough for the ones who matter.