I could really use a strength like yours oh God. I feel as though I am falling into a deep dark pit of nothingness and need you to pull me out. I need your grace more now than ever, looking down on me with eyes of grace and love. Only you know the future and what appears to me to be lacking in all areas, only you know the truth. You are my solid rock in times of need. You are my only constant in all of this.
Thank you that I have breath, Thank you that I have a loving partner who shows me more of you every day. There is a real art to the love you both share that I could never come between. He prayed for me last night and I felt you in the room. I could tell his heart is pure and right and I would to be more like him. With a child like faith and to pray with the right motives. I know that you are for me, I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness. I know you see me as a strong woman and God I would like to see myself that way too. Please show me how I can grow and become more like you. Show me how to trust in the fact that everything will be okay and turn out alright. I long to feel you close all day and I long for your closeness to wrap me up tightly throughout the day. God, when did things get so confusing. I once was your little girl twirling around my room crying from happiness I only found in you.
I would fall to my knees laughing at how loyal you were in every situation. I would read scripture with an open heart and I would never question you. I would go for walks with you and pick flowers for you. I would never think twice before attending a church service and I would never hold back from lifting my hands. Sometimes your love would wash over me so hard I would belly laugh or burst into tears. The power you had over me was more than I could ever ask for and I long to feel this way again. To not be scared or second guess myself. To live in complete peace and have patience with the things I don't understand. I wouldn't be scared of the future and I would put my trust in you. I would live inside the palm of your hands and not waiver from you. That I would have more things to be thankful for and not struggle to find reasons to praise you. I know you're real, something in me tells me that you are the only thing I am sure about. I don't know what I would do if you weren't real. You are my only hope right now. You are so overwhelming and I can feel you tonight. I can feel a presence around me holding me. Keeping me safe and reminding me I can trust you. I will run to you because I know you are lover of my heart and healer of my scars. You steady my heart, you call to me, you know me.
Please show me you in the small things in the next few days. Please show me your heart for me and settle my nerves. Please grant me an inner peace that I cannot comprehend. Things are crumbling around me but you stay constant and I really need that right now. There are a few things I am not ready to face and I cannot face alone. I would really like you to go before me and lead me. Please tell me that everything will be okay and oh I pray it will be. I pray that tomorrow will be okay. I pray that I will not be anxious as I have lay everything in your hands. You have gone before me and know what is going to happen before I do. Thank you that you already know. I like to take control and be the one to make things happen. But I find a sense of protection of knowing I don't have to have it all figured out tonight. I don't have to be afraid before you have gone before me. You have made a way for me to be real and also succeed. In you there is truth and I thank you that I can be real with you. When I have hit rock bottom or when I am celebrating.
Sweep me away in your love where nothing else matters.
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